


Reflections of a guilty mind

by Taniushka12



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Dissonance, Lonely!Martin, M/M, Multi, Self-cest, Selfcest, Threesome - M/M/M, Wet Dream, mostly 159 but 160 heavily implied, spoilers for ep 159 & 160
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:19:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taniushka12/pseuds/Taniushka12
Summary: Martin dreams of mirrors and clocks, and that he's alone.(although not quite)





	Reflections of a guilty mind

**Author's Note:**

> the other day i had a dream that i was reading a martin selfcest fic and when i woke up & realized that it didnt EXIST i got so mad...... 
> 
> so I quickly wrote this, obviously, and yes Peter was necessary.

Tick, tock

The clock was the only sound in the office besides the faint clicking of the keyboard, and besides a long mirror looking back at him close by he knew he was alone in the room. At least until he felt goosebumps crawling down his neck, and he didn't have time to wonder about the distinctive lack of tape recorder when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Martin looked up, already half annoyed at whatever his boss was going to say to him but surprised when he stood silent. Peter was smiling, as always, but it was... different. It was stained, perhaps, or maybe it was something on his eyes that he couldn't quite place.

Either way he looked at him in silence and after a beat Martin kept doing his job, allowing the weight on his shoulder to move softly, knuckles dragging over the sensitive skin on his neck. He hummed, knowing that that scenario was wrong but don't finding it in himself to change it, he liked the contact after all, even if the room still felt cold and silent like he was the only one present.

The mirror stared back.

It wasn't until he felt his hands digging deeper against his skin and the press of lips on top of his head that he remembered something.

—Peter.

—Hm?

—...You died.

The hands on his shoulder blades stopped, and for a second the idea that Peter was never truly there didn't disturb him as it probably should.

—Is that so?

—I... I think so, I heard... —an explosion, strong wind, his voice... _he_... Martin frowned, he couldn't quite recall the scene, there had been a lot of fog in and outside his mind, and the sound of the clock ticking distracted him—. I'm sorry.

Peter laughed, but there was no mirth in it. Martin didn't feel anything from him, but then again when did he?

—What are you apologizing for?

—...

_He always said he wanted to die alone_

He looked up at him, his greying hair, the lines and wrinkles on his face, the... unnaturally milky white eyes. That was new. Peter looked down at him with a tired smile, resigned to something Martin wasn't aware of.

—What're you doing here?

—Don't you miss it?

—What?

—The silence.

Flashes of cops and hunters and monsters crossed his mind, before going back to the stillness that was his office. The ticking of the clock, the hand at the back of his head, the mirror looking expectantly.

—No. —He lied.

Peter's hand wasn't warm per se, not really, but maybe it felt like that against the cold room. He liked the cold, he thought, it was comfortable. But, no... No, it was wrong. Peter was looking at his lips and he didn't mind, that had to be wrong, right?

When he kissed him he tasted salt, tasted the ocean, and part of him missed that.

—What're you doing here? —He asked again, when he could.

—I missed you.

—You're lying. —Peter hummed.

—Not really. I was very proud of your development, you know?

—You used me. To...

—...Yes, but that doesn’t mean I wasn't proud of you. My mistake. You could have been such a wonderful avatar, Martin...

—No.

—Yes.

He kissed him again, firmer this time, and he hummed when he felt his hand dig on his hair, untying it. He couldn't afford to be angry, but the part that didn't want to be touched More did want to be alone.

—You would have loved to be a lonely avatar, Martin.

—No, I really wouldn't.

—Yes, I know you would.

Peter started kissing his neck while Martin rolled his head to the side, starting to feel a heat on his stomach. He didn't want to look at the mirror, look like the mess he was starting to feel like in that moment, but out of instinct he opened his eyes to the sight of himself, looking back at him out of the frame. There was certain stillness to his face that made him shudder, before he felt those well-known hands get a soft hold on his face before kissing him.

He gasped, feeling it like a splash of cold water. Feeling pleasantly numb and alone and getting chills at the contradicting hand that made its way inside his sweater and

(when did he changed? He was just wearing something some polished, akin to what his reflection was wearing, what he's been wearing for the past months, _those_ past months, not...)

they were on a bed. He didn't know when they changed their scenario, but now the two -the three? - of them were laying on a bed that Martin never saw before in his life. The place had certain familiarity to it that he couldn't place, and if he were paying attention he would have noticed the gentle rolling of the waves at the edge of his consciousness, but he was too busy looking at a face too similar at his own.

The other Martin held his face up with a hand while he combed his hair with the other, while Peter took his time mapping his naked back with his hands and his mouth. He shuddered in place, feeling his tongue and his teeth, and his fingers tracing his nipples and the outlines of his hardening cock while his own eyes stared back with a coldness he wasn't aware he himself could have.

It was... unsettling, among Other things. He'd wished he could disappear and take that strange feeling with him, if it wasn't for the way he held his face like he'd sometimes fantasised, thumb pressing lightly on his lips and letting him lick and suck on it. He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to see his face. Wanted, wanted...

He wanted to know, too.

—What are you? —He asked, once he took his wet thumb out of his mouth. Peter bit his lower back.

—I'm you, kind of.

—No, you're not.

—Are you really gonna do this now?

—I... —He took a breath when he felt his trousers go down his knee and moaned when he felt his wet tongue proving at his entrance. He let his head fall into his lap feeling his hands playing with his hair, feeling Peter slowly fuck him open with his tongue before doing it with his fingers. He was lost on a sea of sensation, the only grounding point being the pair of cold hands stroking his face, cold lips kissing his temple, gently biting his earlobe, and whispering secretly on his ear.

—I know you liked it.

— ...Huh?

—Being Alone. I know you liked the peace, being in the Institute and not having to deal with anyone else.

—I... —He shook his head against his shoulder, tightening his grip on his legs—. N-no.

—It was nice to stop caring for a while. —_To stop pretending to care._

—…Shut up. —Before he could say anything else that might or might not be true he raised his face, taking a handful of his hair and kissing him hard. He was partly right, he knew that. He remembered those last days, seeing past the lies and the deceptions, he did felt a strange calmness that he had never felt before and that he knew wouldn't happen again. He remembered being on Peter's realm, remembered feeling lost but also the feeling of belonging. Before...

Before...

He heard the ticking of the clock, isolated, for a second, before he was brought back in the moment by the feeling of nails against his asscheeks.

—Ready? —Said one of them, he couldn't tell who, before nodding. His cock dragged him open with ease as hands grabbed him by his sides, thrusting slowly a few times before setting a rhythm. Martin rolled back a couple of times before the man above and inside of him pressed his chest against his back, kissing him sideways before pressing his lips against his neck.

When he opened his eyes again Peter was the one playing with his hair, looking with hunger at his reflection before looking down at him with a pleased smile. Martin couldn't even begin to understand how or when their positions changed or how was he looking up instead of down <strike>-or why hasn't he sucked anything bigger than a finger yet</strike>\- but quickly forgot about it as he crossed his legs behind the other him's back, pulling him deeper and moaning when he hit his sweet spot.

Two different set of hands that the more they touched the less felt attached traced his skin, some of them knowing exactly where to touch to left him pleading to nothing and nobody in particular. At least until he heard Peter’s voice from above, suddenly reminding him of his presence.

—Accept where you belong, Martin. Please.

—Why... why are you saying that... now?

_ shut up_

—Because, you're running out of time.

—What do you- _Ah_ \- what do you even m_ean_?

_ Shut Up_

He couldn't understand Peter's face from that angle, and certainly not when he was being fucked at the same time, but there was something tense in that silence that wasn't there before. He didn't like that silence. He liked the other silence, the one where he could forget they were there for a second if not for their bodies pressed tightly against his own.

A sharp pinch to his nipples took him out of it and when a hand started pumping his cock at the rhythm of his thrusts he forgot that conversation ever happened. He didn't know who was who, now, who stroked his hair and face and neck with something akin tenderness and who was fucking him rough and fast. It didn't matter, part of him thought, it was the same.

With a cry he came over his hand and his stomach and leaving a mark on the other's back with his nails, not bothering with apologies. Martin felt boneless when he fell into the bed, Peter pressed to his back and with a hand on his inner thigh, kissing smugly the back of his neck whereas his reflection kissed him slowly and open mouthed.

It took him a while to come down from his orgasm, lightly wondering if he had always been that good kissing or if it was due the whole dream evil clone of himself thing (which, he couldn’t help to think, wasn’t quite accurate. After all, part of him Did want to stay in the lonely, Did wanted to kill elias if not for that stupid bet, and Liked being all alone… that was him)

—...—He took a deep breath, the hands and lips growing hot and uncomfortable as the cold pillow felt more than tempting, and he found himself whispering as he dug his face on it with his eyes closed—_…Leave me alone…_

When he opened his eyes again, sometime later, he found himself naked and alone, but feeling at peace with himself. He tucked into the blanket and spread over the king sized bed all for himself, sighing with contentment; the feeling that he shouldn't be doing that only a small nagging voice at the back of his head.

Until a voice spoke again, sounding similarly but different than Peter’s.

—_Come where you belong, enjoy it while it lasts._

And then he woke up.

The sun wasn't out yet when he opened his eyes but the luminosity of the day made him groan, face pressed against the tiny pillow and a mess between his legs. It took him a couple of seconds to remember where he was and what happened, tired shame and mortification rising up his throat.

God.

He got up and cleaned himself as quietly as he could manage, knowing that Jon (_Jon_) was only a couple of steps away on the adjacent room and that he wasn’t alone. He wasn’t alone now; he didn’t have to be alone. He didn’t…

The small mirror on the bedside table looked back at him with wide eyes and mixed feelings painted all across his face, and before the thought of how he missed the numb calm of his dream self could arise he turned the mirror face down.

And between his heaved breathing, the noises from outside their safe house and Jon’s quiet rustling, the clock kept ticking.

**Author's Note:**

> <s>can somebody please get this man a therapist before the end of the world?</s>
> 
> Hope you liked it u_u (hopes this inspires ppl to write that web!martin/regular!martin fic _i_ never got to finish lmao :') )


End file.
